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Deian Hopkin, South Bank University's new vice-chancellor, is portrayed as a colossus of cool on the university's website.

It drools: "If anyone doubts his ability to communicate, they should go watch him play piano in a modern jazz quintet... 'Playing jazz means you have to be mentally agile. Each time you turn up for a gig, you put yourself on the line. There might be new people to play with; you will have to improvise, innovate and work together as a team without any preparation.'" Far out, man.